A wedding planner’s honest take on how to find the right planner – I’ve been planning weddings for 16 years. I’ve worked on private estates, tented builds in fields hosting 200 people, destination events, and everything in between. I’ve seen the industry from the inside, and I’m going to be straight with you: it can be a mess to navigate if you don’t know what you’re looking for.
This isn’t a post designed to get you to hire me. I mean, obviously, I hope you do, but that’s not the point here. This is the post I’d want to read if I were a bride sitting across from a planner who sounded great on Instagram but hadn’t answered any real questions yet.
You deserve to walk into this process informed. So let me give you what I’d tell my own sister.
First, let’s talk about what most planners won’t say out loud.
There is no barrier to entry in this industry. Anyone can call themselves a wedding planner. No license required. No certification required. No minimum number of weddings required. That’s the reality. Which means the only thing standing between you and a very bad experience is your ability to ask the right questions and actually listen to the answers.
Magazine features, Knot reviews, and a beautiful Instagram feed tell you one thing: this person is good at marketing. That is not the same as being good at planning your wedding. The two skills can overlap, but they do not always. I say this as someone who has been featured, reviewed, and photographed plenty. I still think you should ask me hard questions. In fact, I’d be worried if you didn’t.
Your wedding planner is going to be in your life for anywhere from nine months to a year and a half. They’ll be in your inbox, on your phone, coordinating your vendors, managing your family, and standing next to you on one of the most important days of your life. You should interview them as it matters. Because it does!
So, if my sister were getting married and looking for a planner… other than me, I would tell her to ask the following questions. These aren’t trick questions. They’re just the ones that tell you something useful. A great planner will answer them confidently, with specifics, and without getting defensive. If someone stumbles, deflects, or turns your question into a sales pitch, pay attention to that. We live in a world now where pulling the wool over your eyes is easier than ever.
1. How many weddings have you done, and how many have you done at the venue or similar?
A planner with 10 years of experience who has only done hotel ballrooms is not the right person to manage your tented estate wedding. Ask for a specific number. Ask what those events looked like. If they hesitate or give you a vague answer, dig deeper. Here at JWE, we love tented builds; it’s what we thrive on, but by the same token, we always try to make sure we’re diversified across locations so we understand all the dynamics.
2. How many weddings do you take on per year?
This one matters more than people realize. A planner juggling 25 weddings a year is not giving any of them the same attention as a planner who caps at 8 or 10. Ask the number! I would also ask: do they have a 2nd and/or 3rd job, and which job takes priority? I have seen it happen way too much lately: new planners are taking on multiple jobs, and clients are left doing the work they paid someone else to do. You can also ask how many weddings they currently have booked for your year. There is no universal right answer here, but you deserve an honest one. And you deserve to feel like a priority, not a line item.
3. Walk me through what happens if you have an emergency and can’t be there on my wedding day.
This question makes some planners uncomfortable, which is exactly why you should ask it. What is the actual backup plan? Is there a second planner or lead coordinator on their team who knows your event inside and out? Is that person on-site with you through the planning process, or are they just handed your file the week of? A great planner will have a clear and specific answer to this. They’ve thought about it because they care about what happens to your day, even if something happens to them. I would also ask if your wedding should get handed off, how long the employee has been in the industry, and how long the employee has worked with the lead planner. What I find and or see is that many workers are seasonal, and that’s totally ok, but it also means they only come in for weddings and often work for multiple planners, which leads to varying approaches to carry out, just make sure you understand them.
4. How do you manage the budget?
Every planner worth their fee has a story here. Budgets shift. Vendors raise prices. Couples fall in love with upgrades that are way more than they anticipate. What you’re looking for is not perfection. You’re looking for accountability and problem-solving. How did they handle it? Did they communicate early? Did they help find solutions? Did they own their part in it?
A planner who tells you they have never gone over budget is either very new or not being honest with you.
5. What does your communication look like throughout the planning process?
How often will you hear from them? How do they prefer to communicate? What is their typical response time? Who do you actually contact if it is not them directly? You will be working with this person on decisions, big and small, for the better part of a year. Knowing how that communication flows will tell you a lot about whether the working relationship will feel manageable or stressful. Pay attention to how they respond to your initial inquiry. A planner who takes four days to respond to a new potential client is showing you something about how they operate. We strive to answer any inquiry within 1 hour and any client email within 24 hours.
6. Can you share references with me?
It is so important to ask for references that you can personally reach out to. If a planner cannot provide a reference with a similar wedding and/or budget, this is a little warning that they may not know how to handle your event. That said, it’s perfectly ok to give a planner a chance to do something new if they are a good fit, and as a matter of fact, that’s how I got into the luxury market: it was by a dad who connected with me and trusted me, and well, the rest is history! I will say I worked by booty off on that one to prove to the client, my team, and myself that I have the chops. It was the best event of my life, and I still think of it!
7. How do you handle family dynamics on the wedding day?
I am being a little bit funny here, but I am also completely serious. Every family has something. An opinionated mother-in-law. A dad who wants to be in charge of something he should not be in charge of. A sibling who needs to be managed gently but firmly. A great planner has seen it all and knows how to handle it with grace, warmth, and respect. A wedding, your wedding will be filled with a ton of emotions from everywhere and everyone, make sure your planner can manage that. I have had clients hire me just because I have a psychology degree and can manage intense family dynamics.
8. What is your fee, and how did they come to that?
Get specific. Is it a flat fee? A percentage of the budget, FYI, I am not a percentage girl. I think it leaves you, the client, hanging and the planner up the creek if things can be decreased at the last minute. Ask What does it cover? What are the add-ons? Are travel fees included or billed separately? What about their team? How many people will be on-site with you the day of? There should be no surprise line items if you ask the right questions upfront. A good planner will be completely transparent, able to answer quickly, and, on top of that, send you a full proposal outlining their fee structure. I charge a flat fee plus travel based on the type of wedding I am doing. A 30-person wedding has very different dynamics than a 200-person wedding. I also charge my worth and a bit more because I take a limited number of clients each year. I also know the industry standards and pricing. A planner who takes on 20 clients and charges $ 5,000 for full planning is not doing herself or you, the client, justice.
Ok, my last thought in all of this.
You are the client. I know that sounds obvious, but in an industry that sometimes treats working with a certain planner like a privilege you need to earn, it bears repeating. You are hiring someone to execute one of the most significant days of your life. The bar should be high. The conversation should feel collaborative and honest. And you should never feel like you have to apologize for asking good questions. By this token, you get what you pay for, and if you don’t do your homework, you stand to lose not only your sanity but also an investment that goes to waste.
And if you want to put me through this same process? Please do. I’d welcome every minute of it!
Jackie Watson | Jaclyn Watson Events | Vermont, New England + Destination
